Believe in Yourself and Believe in Others

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN OTHERS
by Katherine Ari July 12, 2009

My children are ages 21 to 27. I work with teenagers at my spiritual center. Because of this I have many teens and young adults in and out of my home and my life all the time. I love it. I love seeing them as they unfold their talents and futures as the next adults running the world. They have so much knowledge, talents, and new perceptions.

It is sad when other adults discount the youth. They see them doing things that are “weird” or wearing strange clothes and bucking the established system. But it has always been a natural thing for the next generation to do things differently. They get to the age they desire autonomy from their parents. They strike out and seek to find a way to be different from their parents. Some parents have forgotten and try to exert more control. “You have to be in control,” another parent told me one time.

“Why?” Why should I think as a parent that I should control their bodies and minds and force them to see things through my eyes. When I say this, it doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize that their brains are still growing and forming. They still need guidance and limits. Sometimes it as simple as telling them their brains are still growing, but I must recognize they have their own way of thinking.

It’s kind of like coaching a soccer team that I did many years ago. When we were at practice that was the time to teach them how to play the game. When we played the games that was the time to rely on what they learned at practice – but as children, there was always more to learn. We adults have to know when to teach and when to shut up. Being a parent is not controlling – it is teaching and loving.

One of the things I heard was children not believing in themselves. “Oh, I can’t score. They would get mad at me.” “I’m afraid.” The thing that many coaches and parents alike don’t realize is that when you don’t believe in the abilities of the child, they know it. When you have little chats about this child or that child, they know it. They feel it. I heard another teen counselor making “poor ugly child” comments about a boy that was actually in her family at camp. She was in her mid-thirties and did not have children herself. Inside I was screaming, “Don’t you know that if you feel that way about him that he feels it!” It was an overheard conversation and not the time or place to try to tell her.

It is just that they know without knowing why they know. It is important as adults that we never, never say or think anything negative about a child, because they feel it if we do and it becomes their self-worth, self-esteem, and their core belief – all false ideas. If you don’t believe in yourself, ask yourself where does that idea come from? It is usually someone else’s idea and NOT the TRUTH.