In Memory of Special Friends

Another tragedy hit today. A friend from the past posted on Facebook that Ben Butler suddenly passed away. Ben and I had a close friendship and more back in the high school years. After my high school reunion, he wrote me here and we got caught up. He had gone to Oklahoma State University and then graduate school and was nearing his PhD in his field. He had been very successful since leaving Hugo, Oklahoma. I am saddened at this news.
I had received emails from him on the email connected to the blog. Over the weekend, I was at a training seminar in Philadelphia. We were asked to release anything that might be in the way of going forward during the weekend. The first thing that came into my mind was the grief I have had since January.
I last wrote for my blog on December 31, 2010 when my husband and I had returned to bury my sweet little pet, Precious after a Christmas visit with my son. I knew then that my friend Brenda, also a friend from Hugo, OK, was near her time to make her transition. Brenda died on January 11 from breast cancer and bone cancer. And my writing has been on hold since.
I get up each day and feel this underlying feeling of grief. I go on, but the hurt is still there churning and looking for sometimes very inconvenient times to rise to the surface. I would hear Brenda in my head telling me she would come around and drop in but only if I didn’t start crying. If I cried she would leave. It was comforting to feel her presence around and her beautiful laugh. But sometimes I have just had to go ahead and cry. I tried to put the grief aside on Friday night, but weepy and grief stricken feelings resurfaced in my dreams.
Sometimes, many times to be honest, I didn’t get up very easily. I am not one to get into depression and didn’t recognize it for a while. But it was what it was. I was depressed. I didn’t write on the blog. I didn’t write new stories or continue the stories I have started. Some people might call it a writer’s blog. I call it a time to heal losing the best friend I ever had.
I am very sad to hear of Ben’s death. He was 58 or 59 as he was a year behind me in school. He was a great football player in high school and a good saxophone player in band. And he was a friend. I am sad that Brenda and my little Precious are no longer here. But one of the phrases that is going into the end of one of my books is “Silly humans, there is no death!” Their Lights will shine on forever, for the soul, the Spirit of God, is infinite. I will never forget you my friends. As for me, it’s time to write again. I am back world!