Another tragedy hit today. A friend from the past posted on Facebook that Ben Butler suddenly passed away. Ben and I had a close friendship and more back in the high school years. After my high school reunion, he wrote me here and we got caught up. He had gone to Oklahoma State University and then graduate school and was nearing his PhD in his field. He had been very successful since leaving Hugo, Oklahoma. I am saddened at this news.
I had received emails from him on the email connected to the blog. Over the weekend, I was at a training seminar in Philadelphia. We were asked to release anything that might be in the way of going forward during the weekend. The first thing that came into my mind was the grief I have had since January.
I last wrote for my blog on December 31, 2010 when my husband and I had returned to bury my sweet little pet, Precious after a Christmas visit with my son. I knew then that my friend Brenda, also a friend from Hugo, OK, was near her time to make her transition. Brenda died on January 11 from breast cancer and bone cancer. And my writing has been on hold since.
I get up each day and feel this underlying feeling of grief. I go on, but the hurt is still there churning and looking for sometimes very inconvenient times to rise to the surface. I would hear Brenda in my head telling me she would come around and drop in but only if I didn’t start crying. If I cried she would leave. It was comforting to feel her presence around and her beautiful laugh. But sometimes I have just had to go ahead and cry. I tried to put the grief aside on Friday night, but weepy and grief stricken feelings resurfaced in my dreams.
Sometimes, many times to be honest, I didn’t get up very easily. I am not one to get into depression and didn’t recognize it for a while. But it was what it was. I was depressed. I didn’t write on the blog. I didn’t write new stories or continue the stories I have started. Some people might call it a writer’s blog. I call it a time to heal losing the best friend I ever had.
I am very sad to hear of Ben’s death. He was 58 or 59 as he was a year behind me in school. He was a great football player in high school and a good saxophone player in band. And he was a friend. I am sad that Brenda and my little Precious are no longer here. But one of the phrases that is going into the end of one of my books is “Silly humans, there is no death!” Their Lights will shine on forever, for the soul, the Spirit of God, is infinite. I will never forget you my friends. As for me, it’s time to write again. I am back world!
Showing posts with label Spirituality and Death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spirituality and Death. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, August 26, 2010
To honor Paul Lewis and thoughts about God
August 26, 2010
Yesterday, August 25, 2010 I turned to my high school class website. I am on a vacation this week in a tiny rural Kansas town where there isn’t much to do except, thanks to my brother-in-law, I can get on the Internet or just fight chigger bites. I had commented on a couple of subjects posted by some former classmates that carry on about local Hugo, Oklahoma stuff and so I went back to see if they had answered me. I scrolled down to see what posts followed my last story to find that two hours earlier one of the most regular posters, Paul Lewis, had died. The day before he was posting pictures and planning the next Hugo ’69 supper club meeting as usual.
I was shocked and saddened and frankly in disbelief. “This can’t be,” I thought as my mind tried to wrap itself around such a sudden announcement.
I didn’t know Paul really in high school. I knew who he was but I doubt if I ever had a conversation with him other than a hello here and there. The class had other reunions but for reasons unknown to me I never knew about them until last year in 2009 when someone found me online. The other classmates say Paul was a big help at the gatherings.
I got to know him on the site. He was really wise and funny. I wrote him that he should get his stories and jokes published. Some were not his own but it didn’t matter. They seemed to come from him. I know I frequently go to the site and I always look to his profile for new posting or at the least look at the profile list to see who has last posted. If Paul had a recent entry I was excited and eagerly went to his to read his latest.
The Message forum regularly had postings by him and Larry Lee and a few others who obviously are good friends, the men holding down the home front, the ones who stayed and kept Hugo their place for their adult lives. Their funny stories and conversations kept all of the Class of 1969 connected. Here is what was going on in Hugo. I felt connected and was a fan of Paul’s humor. He really didn’t know me but I felt I knew him.
He loved his grandchildren and children in general. I can’t imagine going to our website and not reading posts from Paul. It will not be the same. And I know that his close friends are totally at a loss for words. To lose a good friend is not one you prepare yourself for. I have said before death is the pits. It is the one thing that medical science has not figured out a pill to take to make it go away. My son says “death” is the pill itself, the way to experience grief and get through it. There is no easy way and everyone experiences it in their own way. There is no prescription, nothing but time itself to make it better and no matter how much others try to decide how much time we need they can’t. No one knows but me how much and how long it takes to grieve when someone I care about passes away.
And I do feel sad about Paul Lewis. I know his beliefs and mine did not necessarily match much or our lifestyles. Our religious beliefs differed. But as a writer myself I don’t have to sit down and talk in person to know the inner person when I read his writings, his stories, and his anecdotes. He told us a lot about himself on the class site. He shared a lot of love and I am grateful to have known him and his love for his family and friends through his words, his funny stories and jokes. I felt I knew him and that was okay.
We will all miss him and I send my love and prayers to him family and friends.
Page 2
As others have posted on the class site and I am sure more will comment, there are comments about his love of God and that he is now in a better place. I began to think about what I would want said about me if I were to transition to another dimension.
My spiritual beliefs are not traditional and I find myself wanting people with traditional beliefs to understand me. I believe that what works for one person may not work for the next but that there are truths that when the dogma and interpretations are removed, are the same for anyone.
I do not believe in a man God out there in the clouds. I believe that “God” is a Universal force that is responsible for everything in creation. We can agree on that. God is responsible for everything and is everywhere present all the time. I believe that Jesus found a way to completely connect with the Divine power all the time and his teachings say that we can do the same. He was one of us and not separate from us or above us. He promised we could do the same things as him and even greater things than He did.
I believe that this God force is impersonal. It can be used for good or bad but it is all God. There is only Power in the universe and we can use it for good as I think we should or we can use it for things that will hurt others. Do I love God? God is Love. I know love and I know that God is in me all of the time and that I choose to use the God in me to love, always love.
Going to a better place is the idea of heaven after we die. I don’t believe I have to die to get to that better place. I believe heaven is what I create in my life while I am alive. It is joy, peace, fun and enjoying life. I see beauty and love and peace of mind. I want to create these things and that is what I choose to see. It isn’t that I look at life though rose colored glasses and never see the dark side of life. I just choose to find the good in everyone and every situation. I believe the more I focus on joy, on good health, on happiness, on beauty, the more I experience a good place now.
And when I die or pass on, well I believe that the body dies but the Soul which is the part most connected to the Universal Power does not die, can not die, and like God is infinite. I don’t know where God will take me next. I hope if there is karma that by living a life of love that where I go next is a beautiful place but I don’t know. I haven’t gone there yet. All I really can control is how I experience the life I have right now. I choose to believe there are solutions to conflicts. I choose to see love and wonder and growth. I choose my thoughts and my actions. There is a fertile field that is my mind and it is constantly in a state of being ready for a new crop of productive thoughts. I decided some time ago to make every effort I can to control what is planted in the fertile field.
I am grateful to have known a man named Paul Lewis. He made me laugh and feel good. He contributed to my growth and some healing as I soaked up a new and better idea about being from Hugo, Oklahoma and the Class of 1969. I believe he shared his stories unconditionally and that was pretty cool. He felt comfortable telling them and didn’t fear that someone would not accept him. That pretty well says a man who had come to accept himself. It is an example we all can follow and a direction we can strive to accomplish in each of our lives. I am blessed by getting to know him through his writings.
Yesterday, August 25, 2010 I turned to my high school class website. I am on a vacation this week in a tiny rural Kansas town where there isn’t much to do except, thanks to my brother-in-law, I can get on the Internet or just fight chigger bites. I had commented on a couple of subjects posted by some former classmates that carry on about local Hugo, Oklahoma stuff and so I went back to see if they had answered me. I scrolled down to see what posts followed my last story to find that two hours earlier one of the most regular posters, Paul Lewis, had died. The day before he was posting pictures and planning the next Hugo ’69 supper club meeting as usual.
I was shocked and saddened and frankly in disbelief. “This can’t be,” I thought as my mind tried to wrap itself around such a sudden announcement.
I didn’t know Paul really in high school. I knew who he was but I doubt if I ever had a conversation with him other than a hello here and there. The class had other reunions but for reasons unknown to me I never knew about them until last year in 2009 when someone found me online. The other classmates say Paul was a big help at the gatherings.
I got to know him on the site. He was really wise and funny. I wrote him that he should get his stories and jokes published. Some were not his own but it didn’t matter. They seemed to come from him. I know I frequently go to the site and I always look to his profile for new posting or at the least look at the profile list to see who has last posted. If Paul had a recent entry I was excited and eagerly went to his to read his latest.
The Message forum regularly had postings by him and Larry Lee and a few others who obviously are good friends, the men holding down the home front, the ones who stayed and kept Hugo their place for their adult lives. Their funny stories and conversations kept all of the Class of 1969 connected. Here is what was going on in Hugo. I felt connected and was a fan of Paul’s humor. He really didn’t know me but I felt I knew him.
He loved his grandchildren and children in general. I can’t imagine going to our website and not reading posts from Paul. It will not be the same. And I know that his close friends are totally at a loss for words. To lose a good friend is not one you prepare yourself for. I have said before death is the pits. It is the one thing that medical science has not figured out a pill to take to make it go away. My son says “death” is the pill itself, the way to experience grief and get through it. There is no easy way and everyone experiences it in their own way. There is no prescription, nothing but time itself to make it better and no matter how much others try to decide how much time we need they can’t. No one knows but me how much and how long it takes to grieve when someone I care about passes away.
And I do feel sad about Paul Lewis. I know his beliefs and mine did not necessarily match much or our lifestyles. Our religious beliefs differed. But as a writer myself I don’t have to sit down and talk in person to know the inner person when I read his writings, his stories, and his anecdotes. He told us a lot about himself on the class site. He shared a lot of love and I am grateful to have known him and his love for his family and friends through his words, his funny stories and jokes. I felt I knew him and that was okay.
We will all miss him and I send my love and prayers to him family and friends.
Page 2
As others have posted on the class site and I am sure more will comment, there are comments about his love of God and that he is now in a better place. I began to think about what I would want said about me if I were to transition to another dimension.
My spiritual beliefs are not traditional and I find myself wanting people with traditional beliefs to understand me. I believe that what works for one person may not work for the next but that there are truths that when the dogma and interpretations are removed, are the same for anyone.
I do not believe in a man God out there in the clouds. I believe that “God” is a Universal force that is responsible for everything in creation. We can agree on that. God is responsible for everything and is everywhere present all the time. I believe that Jesus found a way to completely connect with the Divine power all the time and his teachings say that we can do the same. He was one of us and not separate from us or above us. He promised we could do the same things as him and even greater things than He did.
I believe that this God force is impersonal. It can be used for good or bad but it is all God. There is only Power in the universe and we can use it for good as I think we should or we can use it for things that will hurt others. Do I love God? God is Love. I know love and I know that God is in me all of the time and that I choose to use the God in me to love, always love.
Going to a better place is the idea of heaven after we die. I don’t believe I have to die to get to that better place. I believe heaven is what I create in my life while I am alive. It is joy, peace, fun and enjoying life. I see beauty and love and peace of mind. I want to create these things and that is what I choose to see. It isn’t that I look at life though rose colored glasses and never see the dark side of life. I just choose to find the good in everyone and every situation. I believe the more I focus on joy, on good health, on happiness, on beauty, the more I experience a good place now.
And when I die or pass on, well I believe that the body dies but the Soul which is the part most connected to the Universal Power does not die, can not die, and like God is infinite. I don’t know where God will take me next. I hope if there is karma that by living a life of love that where I go next is a beautiful place but I don’t know. I haven’t gone there yet. All I really can control is how I experience the life I have right now. I choose to believe there are solutions to conflicts. I choose to see love and wonder and growth. I choose my thoughts and my actions. There is a fertile field that is my mind and it is constantly in a state of being ready for a new crop of productive thoughts. I decided some time ago to make every effort I can to control what is planted in the fertile field.
I am grateful to have known a man named Paul Lewis. He made me laugh and feel good. He contributed to my growth and some healing as I soaked up a new and better idea about being from Hugo, Oklahoma and the Class of 1969. I believe he shared his stories unconditionally and that was pretty cool. He felt comfortable telling them and didn’t fear that someone would not accept him. That pretty well says a man who had come to accept himself. It is an example we all can follow and a direction we can strive to accomplish in each of our lives. I am blessed by getting to know him through his writings.
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